Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
