a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
