Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
