she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
