she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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