We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
