She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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