I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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