Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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