Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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