You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
