Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
