Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we're so committed to being not committed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
