first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
