I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
