i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
