Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
