you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
