You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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