Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
