hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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