I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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