so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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