She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
