you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
