So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
