I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
