this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
