for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
