i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
