There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
