No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
