Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
