Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
