I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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