i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
