fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.