Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
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i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together