another moral hangover. fuck.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
