seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's get the cat blown out
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you