btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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