just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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