those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
