I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
