he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
