R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
