Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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