I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
