you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
