found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
