I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
