Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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