U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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