I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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