Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
