Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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