Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
