Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
