im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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