Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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