a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm an idiot
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.