Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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