I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have post one night stand depression
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
