You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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