I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just want to make out with him forever
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You are a genius and a whore.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
