One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
