life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
