he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
