when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
foreskin is a definite game changer
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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