I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I sprained my soul last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
