Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
