You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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