I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize