all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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