New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
