I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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